RVIVR, DOGJAW, CHIN UP MERIWETHER, DIVERS
(Backspace, 115 NW 5th) Read our article on Divers.

STRANGLED DARLINGS, EZZA ROSE
(Secret Society, 116 NE Russell) Whether mining the sideshow soundtrack of an abandoned carnival or marveling in the festive underworld where free jazz and folk collide, Portland's Strangled Darlings are freaks of nature. In the most flattering way possible, mind you. With the release of their new long-player, Red Yellow & Blue, the duo of George Veech and Jessica Anderly get less bawdy, but more brave?if that's possible?with dashes of organ-infused lounge on the title track, and other surprises throughout. "Halfwit" is a kind of Dixieland blurter disguised as a back-porch mandolin jam, while its follow-up "Orange Peel" gives weight to the band's "literary doom pop" standing with a polka-pocked ditty that plods with clunky banjo and Anderly's excellent cello-as-bass manipulations. It's a quirky, fun, intoxicating slice of Portland's bazaar-busker world?ya know, if that's your thing. RYAN J. PRADO

PLANKTON WAT, TUNNELS, SUN CYCLES
(Little Axe Records, 5012 NE 28th) Dewey Mahood?multi-instrumentalist for Portland's Eternal Tapestry?brings his avant-maneuvers to more tranquil frontiers with Plankton Wat. Blending the organic with the robotic, Mahood layers intricately plucked acoustic guitars, harmonium and banjo over mechanized whirs and beats. His new album Spirits is a psychedelic trip through the Pacific Northwest landscape that?even at its most claustrophobic?still manages to get in touch with nature. Picture Portland in 1967, only slightly more dystopian. Or imagine what Ravi Shankar would have done that same year if he had all sorts of futuristic gadgets at his disposal. If Plankton Wat is the sound of the future, planet Earth might just make it out alive after all. MARK LORE

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Confusing charts, so many of them, make the case that Facebook's IPO went even more poorly than we think it actually did.

Maybe we won't have to go to war with Iran over its nuclear program. At least until after the November presidential election.

So many Portlanders gathered yesterday to remember and mourn for Kathryn Rickson, the cyclist who was killed at SW 3rd and Madison after a large truck, making a right turn, struck her.

A Republican congressman's donors made out like bandits after their patron steered an earmark?amounting to millions in government overspending on Army airplane parts?their way.

The premiere launch of a privately owned cargo rocket destined to dock with the International Space Station was delayed for several days because SkyNet computers detected a problem and also because Zefram Cochrane isn't real and, as such, couldn't fix it.

The senior party leaders atop China's Politburo rail against elitist American values have no qualms about sending their kids and grandkids to study at elitist American universities.

Sewing your 14-year-old's son's ass shut?because his ailing bowels gave him a fistula?is a criminal offense, but maybe not so criminal that you'll get sent to jail for it.

AND NEVER FORGET (KIND OF LIKE SEPTEMBER 11 AND THE ALAMO)! PARENTS WHO USE DRUGS HAVE KIDS YOU USE DRUGS. ANY QUESTIONS?

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Thanks!

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1. Stop hogging the machines to just a) play with your smartphone/iPod, b) chat with one of your buddies, c) just sit idly whilst doing nothing

2. Quit leaving the cardio machines drenched in your sweat. You can clean up after yourself, you're an adult.

3. Specifically for guys: STOP wearing Axe in the gym, you smell horrible and some people are allergic to perfumes/cannot breathe around you.

4. Don't refuse to share reps on a machine, that just makes you a douche-bag.

5. Remove the weights from the bench presses so the rest of us know when they're not in use. You're at the gym: no excuse to be lazy.

6. STOP leaving your bloody Band-Aids all over the locker room floor. It's DISGUSTING. What the hell is wrong with you?

7. Shower off before getting into the pool/hot tub. That's what those showers are there for and no one wants to swim in your sweat. Ick.

6. Specifically for straight men: We live in a metropolitan city, there are gay/bi men here. Chances are, someone is going to check you out. Get over it. The rest of us don't want to hear about your homophobia, especially because it seems that you "doth protest much."

7. With the advent of the Internets, you don't really need to pick up people at the gym. It's not classy, it's nasty. Most of us want to work out in piece.

8. Stop flexing in the mirror. You look dumb.

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I know that you must believe that everyone loves you're little tyke, but you're wrong. Control your child. Stop inflicting your carnal consequences on us, or at least buck up and actually parent.

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You lie so much that you can't even keep track of your own deception. Is it because you're too busy spending your welfare check, financial aid, AND child-support on new tattoos and leather boots for yourself (P.S. vegans don't usually wear leather) while your daughter doesn't even have a bed to sleep in?

I honestly have no problem with you falling in love with anyone that wants more than a quick bar fuck from you, nor do I judge you for all of the coke you do, nor the countless Jerry Springer style fights you get in with your painfully boring ex-boyfriend. I judge you because you will stop at nothing to get what you want. Nothing is sacred to you. From claiming rape for revenge to capitalizing on death (of people you could give a sh*t about) by dramatizing your involvement as an excuse for your bad behavior... how do you sleep at night, other than in pools of your own piss? I know the opportunity for shirking responsibility for your actions must have been pretty tempting, but using deaths and claiming rape for your own twisted manipulation efforts is pretty foul.

Maybe even worse: I know you're failing 100-level community college courses (at the age of 30) because of the drunken binges, but 'of' and 'have' are NOT F***ING INTERCHANGEABLE!

I'm so glad I?ve ejected you from my life. Burn in hell, you dumb f***ing c***.

Love Always,
Anonymous

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Welp, last night was the end of the seasons for 30 Rock and Community. I?ll now be able to watch TV lying down, not taking notes, and not constantly shushing my husband, on Thursday evenings. And you?ll all go back to glaring at the fancy cable show recaps, wishing you?d picked a different major and could afford cable. It will suck to be us soon enough again. But last night, with these finales, we poors were given something beautiful.

30 Rock

Avery and Jack decide to renew their vows following Avery?s return from North Korea. (Vow renewals a cheap trick reality shows pull for ratings. Can?t hurt for 30 Rock to try, too!) Then Jack learns that Avery has fallen into a fingertapping romance with her co-captor. Liz and Criss inch closer to having a plant/baby together. Jenna is still out to get Mabel??Can?t hack it in the big city? Gonna move to the bay area now and pretend that was your dream the whole time? Have fun always carrying a light sweater!? Kenneth and Hazel (ew) kiss, and then he finds out that Hazel sabotaged his page application. Tracy learns about racism and black role models from a guy who is not Questlove.

We?re perfectly set up for next season, the show?s last. Liz will finally get her kid, which she could not have done earlier in the series because the writers knew that babies ruin grown-up shows. Jack will be single again and we?ll wonder if he?s gonna hook back up with Avery?s mom, maybe rekindle things with Nancy Donovan, or pull a Don Draper and marry a hot 20-something? Kenneth will come back into the page program. The only people I?m not sure about are Tracy and Jenna. They'll be insane narcissists, I guess? I?ll miss this show but I?m happy with this season, and I think it?s going to wrap up in a graceful and timely manner next year.

P.S. Happy birthday, Tina Fey! I got you something. It?s a hastily written blog post that?s mostly about a different show. Hope you like it.

Community

And then there's this. The 90-minute three-parter was almost more than I could handle. In the first episode, ?Digital Estate Planning,? the study group is transformed into adorable 8-bit video game characters, causing me to say, out loud, ?Oh Jesus Christ, you guys.? Because it was so cool.

• I don't know how to write out the Mario jump sound.

These guys really know how to sink their poorly-rated talons into our prematurely-nostalgic demographic, don?t they? The episode doesn?t exactly fit into the bigger story arcs of the spring, but it doesn?t matter. The bit with Annie and Shirley committing a double homicide?LOL, right?! And Britta finding a home in a witch lair and being NOT the worst at making potions. And especially this:

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HAPPY B-DAY, JACKPOT!?As you know, Jackpot! Recording Studio and Jackpot Records have done a poop-ton to promote Portland's musical rep on a national scale. Now let's celebrate their accomplishments with this fantastic 15th anniversary show, featuring Quasi, the Minus 5, System and Station, Alialujah Choir, Blue Skies for Black Hearts, and much, much more! WSH
Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 8 pm, $10

THE FALLS?More than likely, you know Brent Knopf as the former one-third of Portland juggernaut Menomena, and if you're wise you've followed him to Ramona Falls, the emotionally and collaboratively hefty project that's launching its second release, Prophet, tonight. Come for the pretty songs, and stay for the good vibes. MS
Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $12-14

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Remember this awesome cover we ran a while back by Jolby?

If you can't go see the show in person (loser) treat your eye balls to some rad color, shapes and smiles after the jump.

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• Vintage Portland
• The land before bike lanes.

Months after settling on a plan geared to dramatically rearrange North Williams Ave.?an essential bike corridor that's also the heart of historically African American Portland?the project's stakeholder committee is letting the public have its two cents. On Saturday, the committee is hosting an event urging community members to bring "stories, photos and best ideas" in hopes to celebrate the history of the socially sensitive neighborhood and hear locals' takes on the new design (PDF).

If you're at all interested in the rocky history of the North Portland neighborhood, curious on the committee's plan and want to have your say, stop by Immaculate Heart Church on N Williams between 1 and 4 pm tomorrow.

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RAMONA FALLS, INCREDIBLE YACHT CONTROL
(Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) More than likely, you know Brent Knopf as the former one-third of Portland juggernaut Menomena, and if you're wise you've followed him to Ramona Falls, the emotionally and collaboratively hefty project that's launching its second release, Prophet, tonight. Come for the pretty songs, and stay for the good vibes. MARJORIE SKINNER Also, read our article on Ramona Falls.

JACKPOT! RECORDING AND JACKPOT RECORDS 15TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION: QUASI, THE MINUS 5, SYSTEM AND STATION, THE ALIALUJAH CHOIR, BLUE SKIES FOR BLACK HEARTS, PERHAPST, DAVE DEPPER
(Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne) As you know, Jackpot! Recording Studio and Jackpot Records have done a poop-ton to promote Portland's musical rep on a national scale. Now let's celebrate their accomplishments with this fantastic 15th anniversary show, featuring Quasi, the Minus 5, System and Station, Alialujah Choir, Blue Skies for Black Hearts, and much, much more! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM
(Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) I may not be the planet's biggest Fleetwood Mac/Lindsey Buckingham apologist, but at this point I must rank within the top 20. More than any other album, I've defended Rumours against derision from people who have no idea what they're talking about (and missing out on). Sure, the Mac were a silly white boy blues band at one point in the late '60s; "Don't Stop" was famously performed by the group at Bill Clinton's first inaugural gala; and their later period may single-handedly emblematize "dad rock" nowadays?but don't let all that ridiculousness deter you. Rumours is a rock masterpiece, and the inter-band soap opera that inspired virtually all of its songs is fascinating on its own. It remains perhaps the cruelest kiss-off record of all time. MORGAN TROPER

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Northeast Alberta boutique Garnish, primarily featuring the design work of proprietress Erica Lurie, is expanding its empire into the Pearl District as soon as early June at 404 NW 12th. (between Flanders and Glisan). Clearly the shop?which specialize in easy-wearing dresses and separates that lend themselves to personalization rather than making their own loud statements?has served its eastside clientele well, and it will be interesting to see how the Garnish style adapts to its new environs. Certainly, if you're going for the Pearl District's shopping heart, you could scarcely hit the target more precisely than that address. Stay tuned for opening event details and exact dates. Oh, and if you're a seamstress with customer service skills, you may want to peep this.

• Garnish
• Lurie (at right) at work with an assistant.

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• Garnish
• Lurie (at right) at work with an assistant.

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Second, the late Andrew Breitbart's site has "discovered" that Barack Obama's literary agent in 1991 accidentally claimed in promotional materials that Obama was "born in Kenya and raised in Indonesia and Hawaii." PROOF!

Third, now that we've read some of the love letters that President Obama wrote as a young man, it's time for the same people who claimed that Obama couldn't have written his own memoir to claim that he didn't write his love letters, either. Dave Weigel at Slate found a doozy of an "expert."

[W]riting longhand, presumably from memory, Obama has the wherewithal to put an umlaut over the ?u? in Münzer. In college, I was an Honors English student and a Classics minor, not a political science major like Obama. I had not even heard of Münzer before reading this letter.

That Obama could embark upon a sophisticated, spontaneous discussion of T.S. Eliot ? he claimed not to have read ?The Waste Land? for a year and never bothered ?to check all the footnotes? ? should have alerted Maraniss.

Nowhere in ?Dreams [from My Father]" is there any mention of T.S. Eliot, Münzer or Yeats.

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In all seriousness, there's a pantload of cool videos that's worth checking out?some from Portland bands, and some from non-Portland bands but directed by Portland directors. We don't usually throw 'em all in one post like this, but there's just too much to share. Here's a weekend's worth of stuff to point your eyes at.

This first one's from Michael the Blind, for the song "Sympathies" from his remarkable upcoming album Are's and Els, which comes out June 5. Directed by Dominic DeJoseph, this was shot just two weeks ago in New York City with a NYC-based cast of actors, comedians, musicians, and artisis?including two of Tony Bennett's granddaughters, apparently. DeJoseph says:

"The image of Michael lying on his back singing while others lie down next to him occurred to me as the choral section came in the first time I heard the song. I didn?t want to see an actual chorus singing, but this image seemed to create a similar effect of togetherness.?

Here's one from an out-of-town band but a Portland director. Detroit's Electric Six recruited Wieden + Kennedy's Justin Lowe to direct and Jason Roark to shoot this clip for "Psychic Visions." It crams an ambitious amount of action?underwater fight scene, Singing in the Rain homage, and more?into a three-day shoot and a $2,000 budget. Yes, that's Chris Funk (of the Decemberists and Black Prairie) officiating the wedding. Yes, that's local actress and choreographer Haley Talbot. Yes, that's the Someday Lounge and Holocene. Yes, that's Paws Aquatics, the doggie swim center. Wait, we have a doggie swim center?

Click the jump for more vids, including Dry River Yacht Club, Serious Business, Zachariah Shirai, Plankton Wat, and Adventure Galley!

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I saw Jaws again last night while it was still playing at the Hollywood Theatre; I have seen it more times than I can count, and every time I love it, and every time I get scared, and every time I'm stunned by how great it is. If you haven't seen it in a while?or haven't seen it on the big screen, as I hadn't before last night?you should go.

So that double feature might be my pick for the weekend, actually, if you're in a popcorn type of mood, want to enjoy the good weather, and don't mind a bit of a drive. The films run at the 99W Drive-In (3000 Portland Road, Newberg) tonight through Sunday, with Jaws starting at dusk and Avengers following.

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Over on his blog BadAzzMoFO, local writer David Walker periodically highlights great movie posters in a feature he calls "BAMF's Movie Poster Hall of Fame."

Today, he's dug up some gems for one of my all-time favorite movies, The Long Goodbye, including this from MAD cartoonist Jack Davis:

It's a pretty cool poster that couldn't be farther from the spirit of the movie. Click through for a few more posters from the film, including two with kitties!

Thanks to Jamie S. Rich for the link!

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In all seriousness, there's a pantload of cool videos that's worth checking out?some from Portland bands, and some from non-Portland bands but directed by Portland directors. We don't usually throw 'em all in one post like this, but there's just too much to share. Here's a weekend's worth of stuff to point your eyes at.

This first one's from Michael the Blind, for the song "Sympathies" from his remarkable upcoming album Are's and Els, which comes out June 5. Directed by Dominic DeJoseph, this was shot just two weeks ago in New York City with a NYC-based cast of actors, comedians, musicians, and artisis?including two of Tony Bennett's granddaughters, apparently. DeJoseph says:

"The image of Michael lying on his back singing while others lie down next to him occurred to me as the choral section came in the first time I heard the song. I didn?t want to see an actual chorus singing, but this image seemed to create a similar effect of togetherness.?

Here's one from an out-of-town band but a Portland director. Detroit's Electric Six recruited Wieden + Kennedy's Justin Lowe to direct and Jason Roark to shoot this clip for "Psychic Visions." It crams an ambitious amount of action?underwater fight scene, Singing in the Rain homage, and more?into a three-day shoot and a $2,000 budget. Yes, that's Chris Funk (of the Decemberists and Black Prairie) officiating the wedding. Yes, that's local actress and choreographer Haley Talbot. Yes, that's the Someday Lounge and Holocene. Yes, that's Paws Aquatics, the doggie swim center. Wait, we have a doggie swim center?

Click the jump for more vids, including Dry River Yacht Club, Serious Business, Zachariah Shirai, Plankton Wat, and Adventure Galley!

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